Linux is very funny

• For  Gnome (Ubuntu) – The terminal can be found at Applications menu -> Accessories -> Terminal.


• In Xfce (Xubuntu) – The terminal can be found at Applications menu -> System -> Terminal.


• In KDE (Kubuntu) – The terminal can be found at KMenu -> System -> Terminal Program (Konsole).


• In LXDE (Lubuntu) – The terminal can be found at Menu -> Accessories -> LXTerminal.

1. % nice man woman
   No manual entry for woman.


2. % “How would you rate Quayle’s incompetence?
   Unmatched “.


3. % Unmatched “.
   Unmatched “.


4. % [Where is Jimmy Hoffa?
   Missing ].


5. % ^How did the sex change operation go?^
   Modifier failed.


6. % If I had a ( for every $ the Congress spent, what would I have?
   Too many (’s.


7. % make love
   Make: Don’t know how to make love. Stop.


8. % sleep with me
   bad character


9. % got a light?
   No match.


10. % man: why did you get a divorce?
    man:: Too many arguments.


11. % !:say, what is saccharine?
    Bad substitute.


12. % %blow
    %blow: No such job.


13. % \(-
    (-: Command not found.


14. $ PATH=pretending! /usr/ucb/which sense
    no sense in pretending!


15. $ drink matter
    matter: cannot create

Linux funny commands

% cat "food in cans"
cat: can't open food in cans

% nice man woman
No manual entry for woman.

% "How would you rate Quayle's incompetence?
Unmatched ".

% Unmatched ".
Unmatched ".

% [Where is Jimmy Hoffa?
Missing ].

% ^How did the sex change operation go?^
Modifier failed.

% If I had a ( for every $ the Congress spent, what would I have?
Too many ('s.

% make love
Make: Don't know how to make love. Stop.

% sleep with me
bad character

% got a light?
No match.

% man: why did you get a divorce?
man:: Too many arguments.

% !:say, what is saccharine?
Bad substitute.

% %blow
%blow: No such job.

% \(-
(-: Command not found.

$ PATH=pretending! /usr/ucb/which sense
no sense in pretending!

$ drink matter
matter: cannot create

No matter what we tried (+18 only)

An 85-year-old man went to his doctor's office to get a sperm count. The doctor
gave the man a jar and said, "Take this jar home and bring back a semen sample
tomorrow."

The next day the 85-year-old man reappeared at the doctor's office and gave
him the jar, which was as clean and empty as on the previous day.

The doctor asked what happened and the man explained: "Well, doc, it's like
this - First I tried with my right hand, but nothin. Then I tried with my left
hand, but still nothing.

Then I asked my wife for help. She tried with her right hand, then her left,
still nothing. She tried with her mouth, first with the teeth in, then with her
teeth out, and still nothing. We even called up Arleen, the lady next door and
she tried too, first with both hands, then an armpit and she even tried
squeezin' it between her knees, but still nothing."

The doctor was shocked! "You asked your neighbor?"

The old man replied,

"Yep. And no matter what we tried, we still couldn't get the jar open
:) :) :)

2011 ka Sab say Badtameez Bacha :)

2011 ka sab say badtameez bacha

Dokandar say: Uncle Rang gora karnay wali cream hay?

Dokandar:  han han hay

Bacha: Te mama apni kuri nu landa q nai..?  :) :)

President of Pakistan Zardari

Dil chahta hai,

Chori Karon,

Jhoot bolon.

Sharab piyon,

Rishwat khaon,

Qatal karon,

Or

Jail Jaon.

Shayad isi tarah kabhi main President of Pakistan ban jaon.

Kia Hukum hai mere aaqa?

Jin: Kia Hukum hai mere aaqa?
Sardar: Saari dunya main jitni bhi dolat hai, woh mere account main daal do.

Jin: Bakwaas na karo tum Sardar ho

Zardari

nahi.

George W. Bush's Intelligence Quiz

While visiting England, George W. Bush is invited to tea with the Queen. He asks her what her leadership philosophy is. She says that it is to surround herself with intelligent people. He asks how she knows if they're intelligent.

"I do so by asking them the right questions," says the Queen. "Allow me to demonstrate."

She phones Tony Blair and says, "Mr. Prime Minister. Please answer this question: Your mother has a child, and your father has a child, and this child is not your brother or sister. Who is it?"

Tony Blair responds, "It's me, ma'am."

"Correct. Thank you and good-bye, sir," says the Queen. She hangs up and says, "Did you get that, Mr. Bush?"

"Yes ma'am. Thanks a lot. I'll definitely be using that!"

Upon returning to Washington, he decides he'd better put the Chairman of the Senate Foreign Relations Committee to the test. He summons Jesse Helms to the White House and says, "Senator Helms, I wonder if you can answer a question for me."

"Why, of course, sir. What's on your mind?"

"Uh, your mother has a child, and your father has a child, and this child is not your brother or your sister. Who is it?"

Helms hems and haws and finally asks, "Can I think about it and get back to you?" Bush agrees, and Helms leaves. He immediately calls a meeting of other senior senators, and they puzzle over the question for several hours, but nobody can come up with an answer. Finally, in desperation, Helms calls Colin Powell at the State Department and explains his problem.

"Now look here Colin Powell, your mother has a child, and your father has a child, and this child is not your brother, or your sister. Who is it?" Powell answers immediately, "It's me, of course, you dumb ass."

Much relieved, Helms rushes back to the White House and exclaims, "I know the answer, sir! I know who it is! It's Colin Powell!" And Bush replies in disgust, "Wrong, you dumb ass, It's Tony Blair!"

about.com

Sardar proposed a girl

Sardar proposed a Girl
.
.
.
Girl said 'I'm 1yr elder to you'
.
.
.
Sardar said 'Oye No Problem Soniye, I'll marry you NEXT YEAR.

Sardar and romantic date

ON A ROMANTIC DATE

SARDAR'S GIRL FRIEND ASKS HIM,

DARLING ON OUR
ENGAGEMENT WILL U GIVE ME A RING?

HE SAID:

YA SURE...WHATS YOUR PHONE NUMBER :)

Sardar Ji "Parhnay wala Gadha" Funny-jokes

Eik sardar ja rha tha raste mein 1board nazar aaya likha tha 'PARHNE WALA GADHA' sardar ko ghussa charha Mita ke likh dia' LIKHNE WALA GADHA'

Teri Bhabhi Say | Sardar ji Funny Joke

ek sardar apni bhabhi ko buhat mar raha tha

logo ne pucha: kia hua sardar ji?

sardar ji bola: meri bhabhi achi aurat nahin he ji.

logo ne pucha: q kia hua?

sardar bola: yr dost mobile pe bat karte hein jis se bhi puchun,

"kis se bat kr rhe ho?"

sab bolte hein
.
.
.
.
.
.
"TERI BHABHI SE"..........

Sardarji Bank Loan

A sardarji walks into a bank in New York City and asks for the loan officer. He says he is going to Europe on business for two weeks andneeds to borrow $5,000.

The bank officer says the bank will need some kind of security for such a loan, so the man hands over the keys to a new Rolls Royce parked on the street in front of the bank. Everything checks out, and the bank agrees to accept the car as collateral for the loan. An employee drives the Rolls into the bank's underground garage and parks it there.

Two weeks later, the man returns, repays the $5,000 and the interest, which comes to $15.41. The loan officer says, "We are very happy to have had your business, and this transaction has worked out very nicely, but we are a little puzzled. While you were away, we checked you out and found that you are a multimillionaire. What puzzles us is why would you bother to borrow $5,000?"

Sardarji replied, "Where else in New York can I park my car for two weeks for 15 bucks?"

 

:)

Tip for All Girls

Howto Know if its true LOVE.

on wednesday. if your guy pends the entire day with you, instead of watching the World Cup Match....

 

Marry Him......... :)

 

 

 

SMS Joke form soni

Lahore

A wife asked her husband to describe her

He said, 'You're A, B, C, D, E, F, G, H, I, J, K'. She said, 'What does that mean?' He said Adorable, Beautiful, Cute, Delightful, Elegant, Foxy, Gorgeous, Hot'.

She said, 'Oh that's so lovely.

What about I, J, K?'

He said-- I'm Just Kidding :)

Some Funny quotes.

The average woman would rather have beauty than brains, because the average man can see better than he can think.

Everyone is entitled to their own opinion. It's just that yours is stupid.

"Flying is learning how to throw yourself at the ground and miss." - Douglas Adams

If you die in an elevator, be sure to push the Up button.

Everyone has photographic memory; some just don't have the film.

2 Men talking abt marriage & divorce

2 MEN TALKING

1st:
I am getting married because
I am tired of eating out,
cleaning house & doing laundry

2nd:
Strange,
I am taking divorce for same reasons!..=))

Love has no age….

Someone Asked Shakespeare:
“U Married A Girl Elder Than U, Why?”

He Showed Him A Calendar N Said
“A Week Has 7 Days;
Can U Say Which Day Is Younger,
Either Sunday Or Saturday ??

So, Love Comes From Heart Not In Age”
Love Has No Age.

-MORAL:
Senior Girls R Also Available For Boys:P

funny Dost

Meri hr khata ko mu'af kr dena ye soch kr

 

 

DOSTO

.

 

.

 

K

 

.

 

.

Tussi ap v kehrre Haahi O

paindu

1  paindu ki shadi py sb paindu hi aye hoy thy

 

Khana start hoa

To

1 paindu ne plate mai tissue paper dekh kr socha

shaid ye b koi khany ki cheez ha

 

Jb wo tissue paper utha kr mounh mai Dalny lga

 

To

 

us k sb dost onchi Avaz mai boly

 

oey na khawein

phikka Ee

pakistani

pakistani hony ki mushkelat

 

1:

ghr mai punjabi bolo

 

2:

school mai urdu bolo

 

3:
paper English mai do

 

Or

 

4:

Marny k bad hesab arbi mai do

 

fail to hona ha