Linux is very funny

• For  Gnome (Ubuntu) – The terminal can be found at Applications menu -> Accessories -> Terminal.


• In Xfce (Xubuntu) – The terminal can be found at Applications menu -> System -> Terminal.


• In KDE (Kubuntu) – The terminal can be found at KMenu -> System -> Terminal Program (Konsole).


• In LXDE (Lubuntu) – The terminal can be found at Menu -> Accessories -> LXTerminal.

1. % nice man woman
   No manual entry for woman.


2. % “How would you rate Quayle’s incompetence?
   Unmatched “.


3. % Unmatched “.
   Unmatched “.


4. % [Where is Jimmy Hoffa?
   Missing ].


5. % ^How did the sex change operation go?^
   Modifier failed.


6. % If I had a ( for every $ the Congress spent, what would I have?
   Too many (’s.


7. % make love
   Make: Don’t know how to make love. Stop.


8. % sleep with me
   bad character


9. % got a light?
   No match.


10. % man: why did you get a divorce?
    man:: Too many arguments.


11. % !:say, what is saccharine?
    Bad substitute.


12. % %blow
    %blow: No such job.


13. % \(-
    (-: Command not found.


14. $ PATH=pretending! /usr/ucb/which sense
    no sense in pretending!


15. $ drink matter
    matter: cannot create

Linux funny commands

% cat "food in cans"
cat: can't open food in cans

% nice man woman
No manual entry for woman.

% "How would you rate Quayle's incompetence?
Unmatched ".

% Unmatched ".
Unmatched ".

% [Where is Jimmy Hoffa?
Missing ].

% ^How did the sex change operation go?^
Modifier failed.

% If I had a ( for every $ the Congress spent, what would I have?
Too many ('s.

% make love
Make: Don't know how to make love. Stop.

% sleep with me
bad character

% got a light?
No match.

% man: why did you get a divorce?
man:: Too many arguments.

% !:say, what is saccharine?
Bad substitute.

% %blow
%blow: No such job.

% \(-
(-: Command not found.

$ PATH=pretending! /usr/ucb/which sense
no sense in pretending!

$ drink matter
matter: cannot create

Dos Commands

Command #1: By typing in ‘tree’ into Dos, you can view all of the folders (not files) on the computer or User. Pretty cool but then again pretty worthless. Just a cool thing to know.

Command #2: By typing in ‘ipconfig’ you can view your default gateway ip adress for your router. This is really only useful if you are good with the computer and are trying to fix your internet connection, you can look at what’s wrong.

Command #3: By typing in ‘format c:’ you can delete all the information on your hard drive, if you want to start new or something, but dont do that just to be an idiot.

Command #4: By typing in ‘netstat’ or ‘nbtstat’ (both similar) you can view the TCP/IP network of your computer.

Command #5: By typing in ‘title whatever’ the blue bar at the top where it is command prompt will be replaced with whatever you typed after title.

Job Interview

Reaching the end of a job interview, the human resources person asked a young engineer fresh out of MIT, "And what starting salary were you looking for?"

The engineer said, "In the neighborhood of $125,000 a year, depending on the benefits package."

The interviewer said, "Well, what would you say to a five-week vacation, 14 paid holidays, full medical and dental, company matching your retirement fund to 50% of your salary, and a company car leased every two years, say, a red Corvette?"

The young engineer sat up straight and said, "Wow! Are you kidding?"

The interviewer replied, "Yeah, but you started it."